i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
