I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
