remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
