last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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