Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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