so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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