I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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