Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
