i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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