who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
