you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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