She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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