my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
