I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
