This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
