first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize