Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
