The best revenge is premature balding
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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