i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
