We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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