Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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