He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
