Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
