Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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