He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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