That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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