I have demons in me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize