I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
