At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
