i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The air was thick with penises
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
