i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
