we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
