i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
