i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
