Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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