So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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