I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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