You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
