Please, let me fuck your mom
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
