i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
