Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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