he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
