i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
