I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
