the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
