Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
