its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
