Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
