It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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