So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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