At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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