Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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