Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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