i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
