Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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