Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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