just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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