Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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