Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
