everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
pray to the hookup gods
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize