i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
