We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
