So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
