Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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