You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
