Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
