$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
