I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
