Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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