I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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