2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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