Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
