I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
