im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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