Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mom said you looked used
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
