I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
