Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
