all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
