Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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