You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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