I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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