and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
