Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
