I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
