I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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