I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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