WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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