ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
