new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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