It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
