Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
