either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize