Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
