ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
