im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
