Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
