rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
