at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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