I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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