I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
