I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
