Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
