So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize