Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
