I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
