I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
